My life lately was BUSY BUSY BUSY!! STRESS STRESS STRESS!! NO TIME!! This really COST me something after months (abt one year?) staying home and relax…. However, still active, VERY active in YMM…. Was sometimes too active until I felt myself changed a lot.. Getting more and more comments and ideas…. Is that good or bad??

After that, am still very active in YMM, but now!! Am working………….. At SHQ~~~ SHQ is Sha Hua Qing, another youth club, this youth club is much different from YMM….. Yeap, in YMM  we normally will be given the budget and go look for sponsor, and learn how to organizing different types of activities…. But here in SHQ, we need to ask our “gentlemen” for advise, and listen to thier “comment”ssss….

A~ That’s not the main point…… Now SHQ is organizing a huge function! Shao Lin Wushu Performance!! YO!! It’s great!! Wishing and waitting the moment!! During this moment, I learnt how to typing~~~ For sure, I already know how to type~~~ Ok, I learnt a lot of how to write letter and proposal to sponsors… How to attract them to sponsor us the function! At the moment, for sure, there are sadness, and A lot OF HAPPINESS!! ^^ HAHA!!

Well Well.. Sean’s blog remind my blog here… Which I been almost forgot soon?! OHNO!!! I start no linking this blog from any other of my blog…. Coz still… I take this as my private blog for temporary~~~ At this moment~~~

Time Start: 16.51
Time Ended: 5.06

此时此刻的我，居然还在犹豫~~是否真的该离开~~~~我是不是应该的安静走开呢？说真话，我原来真的一点负担子也没有~~~~今天和一个朋友外出喝 茶，结果聊天时，她和我说，她才停工一个月不到，就开始感觉到恐惧了，担心她的卡数该如何还，看来，我应该去胡乱刷卡一下，这样~~我才会有负担，才会积 极一点去弄点东西吧~~~

不知不觉，我已经算是“无所事事”一年了~~在我决定离开的时候，我居然还在犹豫不决~~~哎~~~这个是我的人什么？其实究竟我们活在世界上有什么目的么？生老病死~~~结婚生子~~？打工一辈子，对着老公孩子一辈子？就这样完了一生？

不知道，我应该不应该把这个责任推给我父母，因为，从小他们没有教导我做人应该要有目标~~生存的价值~~~不过，同样在这个家庭成长的哥哥姐姐，居 然也找到了，看来有问题的人只是我一个罢了~~重新开始？该如何重新开始？开始错了，该如何？忽然觉得其实我也不是一个好家长，我也没有把我的猫照顾 好……

Western VS Asian

  Went to Burger King this afternoon for my lunch… Well, complain a bit first… For the first time, after having the whole set of meal, I still able to take my dinner… Normally, I wont able to take my dinner after I had my LARGE meal at Burger King…… Strange, just now after my meeting, I still can finish a “Wantan Ho” and it’s consider a big meal also… Until now i still felt very full……..

  Back to today’s topic~~~~ I taking my lunch alone as usual, and which sometimes I enjoyed it… Because, without someone talking to me, I able to see around (this is one of the thing that i like to do)… I mean, sometimes, I love to have a look around and “observing” what normally people did during thier lunch time, taking lunch, hang with friends, shopping……..

  Today, besides me there is one foreign, at that moment, don’t know why, suddenly recall something… I can’t remember who say that to me…. It’s about the western and the asian… The interesting thing is about when western take their meal at fast food restaurant, after they finished, they will and they need to clean up, not really clean up but need to send thier tray to the dispose place….. But asian, sorry~~ They will leave it at the table, and someone (the staff/worker) will clean it up…..

  When this turns as a habit for the asian, there is one asian, I think is Sabahan, if not mistake, is he….. He went to Australia, study oversea, and went for fast food restaurant, and naturally he left after his meal…… And he actually felt strange why everyone clean up before they leave……. When this story is shared to me, I know that’s the difference between western and asian…. And I think this is caused by calture……

  This noon, after the foreign finish his meal, he stood up and take the tray and put the burger’s paper, fries’ paper into the tray and bring it to throw…… I don’t felt strange, but I wondering….. The reaction of the worker/staff there~~~~ I think very soon, the staff there take over everything.. and do the clean up…. After when my turn is finished, I start wondering…… Should I leave it there or I need to take to the disposal place?? Unfortunalely I am an asian, I choose to leave it at the table……

　　Thanks to those who give me help, give me chance, give me confident~~~ I know, most of the time, I really lack of confidence, and always bring myself into a dark place, and make myself lost inside….

　　Sometimes, I can bring myself into a very confident way, but once I bring myself there, I have a felt, a feeling tells me that, why I didn’t do it better? Suppose I can did it better… The more I wish I can did it better, it getting worse in the end….

　　I had my first experience of being MC in such a quite formal activity… I can felt that I did a worst job that I never did…. For so far, until last night (I mean Monday night). Well, it happen in very sudden, and at the same times, all the things in my mind is the youth club things… And that’s actually didn’t make my brain be clear? I hate when i have this kind of excuses~~~

　　That excuses actually make me felt like I still kinda weak on being MC, coz in a short time period, I can’t get myself prepare~~ A little dissappointment for myself, however!! I know I should and I will do it better next time!!

　　Thanks to the youth club gave me a sweet chance~~~ Being Secertary is something I always afraid of….. And this time, they gave me a chance, and happy to say that, they “look high” on me….. And which i also very afraid, letting them down…. I will dissappointed them….. So many fears….. And are these fears will be overcomed?

　　Sometimes, I felt weird, why I can be so confident sometimes, and suddenly I was soo fears of all the things……..

冲动？丧失理智？

　　很奇怪，忽然整个人的情绪变得好奇怪……虽然我算是经得起打击的人，可是最近不少的事情都让我觉得很气馁？很失败……甚至觉得自己很腐败～～～

　　我在想，我对别人的承诺，是否能像在我Blog里的歌一样，作出一个承诺，并且实现那个承诺~~~~~半个月快过了~~~六月也眨个眼就完了，忽然好想和芳颖一样，重拾书包，回到校园里~~~

　　忽然想起刚才吃饭的时候看到刘德华的戏，戏里的老人说，人生的美妙，人生不必从头开始，可悲的是，人生不能重新开始～～～我一直在想，如果这一切都很早发生，今天的我又是一个怎样的人呢？对，我一直只是在想，如果当初是如何如何，何不现在就如何如何，而在一年后的今天对自己说，一年前这样开始，果然还没迟！

　　忽然发现，家里的担子，好像默默的往我身上搁了～～～以前最不想面对的东西，如今要慢慢开始接受了～～～～～好像很无奈，可是，我却比很多人信服很多？？满足吧，知足吧，加油吧！！

　　本来觉得不开心，忽然变成开导自己了，哈哈～～真的很可爱～～

Start : 12.24am
End : 12.39am

  Well, this isn’t my first time of going out alone, I mean go to a “new” place and try new thing~~ Ohyea~~ This is the excatly feel I having now… Before this, I keep thinking what kind of feeling I had actually for now, I realized it finally~~ Going to new place for new things……

  And now, I was doing “preparation” for later’s trip, my flight is 0725 and i think i need to go to airport around 0525++? And what I doing now is…. Packing~~ Yeap~~ Still packing~~ Hehe~~ Same like someone doing “last minutes” work~~ Hey~~ Mentioning u here now~~ Do you notice~~~ ^^

  So nervous and very glad to looking forward seeing turtles… Yeap~~ The news make me so glad!! And I borrow my father’s camera, and I forgot ask for chargers… Hope it’s can last for many usage hours.. If not, I will miss a lot interesting things…. Hahaha

  Now, I actually planing to take my own photo @ airport or inside the plane~~ Start a bit feel of… SS~~ Syok Sendiri~~English = Self Syok? hahahaha~~ Anyway, now start felt a bit calm compare just now~~ Thank you!! Hehehe~~

  Don’t think that you will notice this one~~ So.. Again, sorry la~~ Didn’t mention your name again~~ Hahahaha~~

Start: 03:20
End: 03:45

　　昨天，一直在等待青运的捐钱消息……终于等到了…………心情算是很激动……

　　收到的简讯如下：

“青运送温情，把爱传四川”
请响应青运沙巴州分会推动的四川地震赈灾募捐运动，为地震灾民尽一份绵力，伸出援手，让我们一起来响应吧，所谓多多益善，少少无拘，有意捐献义款之青运顾问及会员们可见善款直接存入　YMM Sabah Branch， PBB 3083980105，然后将姓名和善款数目传短讯至：0168399223，0128280440，或 012802088。 感恩不尽！！